The Prospect of Death Without Love
by Athena'sDragon
Summary: This is a oneshot of the Doctor's internal monologue when he is hanging in the Satan Pit. Season 2. TenxRose. NO SMUT IN ANY OF MY STORIES. Disclaimer: None of these characters or events belong to me, I just adjusted them to my own means. Please review!


The cable seemed to glow ghostly above him, its length wrapped with a few beams of stolen light which had filtered past the lip of the pit. Around him, up, down, and to all sides, was a muffling, velvety blackness. If it wasn't for the persistent tug of his harness and the occasional dripping noise which made its way, indistinct and static-ridden, through his external microphone, the Doctor could almost believe that he was suspended in deep space.

The Doctor's mouth was moving, but his mind was only half on what he was saying. "You think you make the rules…" Had he been travelling for so long that he was becoming arrogant? Did he really believe that he couldn't be wrong? Rose had changed him, he knew. For almost the whole of his ninth regeneration, he had travelled alone as a god. Then she had come along, that lonely shop girl, and changed his life.

Rose…his mind split, a small portion continuing to ponder his ego as most of him thought about her. She was somewhere more thanp ten miles above his head. Did she think him dead? Would she care? Of course. His heart twisted violently as he thought of their conversation earlier about mortgages. It was true that the thought of staying in one place for the rest of his life made his fingers itch to throw switches and spin knobs on the TARDIS, careening through space as he made his way towards another unknown adventure. However, as they had spoken, her shy smile and the words "I dunno... it could be the same one… you know, if you like… we'll see," had made him smile and think on the possibility of having a normal life with her. Was she thinking the same thing he was, or did she merely mean that she didn't want to lose her only friend in an unfamiliar universe?

He knew that that was a dangerous path to let his mind wander down, one which had tortured him through long nights staring at the TARDIS monitor as Rose slept. She cared a great deal for him, this much was obvious- but how? Was he her friend, family, or did she love him as he loved her? How could she, he thought bitterly. He was alien, different, funny and provided adventure, but that was likely the extent of her feelings. He had never understood the human term "heartache,"but the dull pain in both sides of his chest tugged at his spirits and brought the image of Rose to him. Rose, Rose, his only love in five hundred years… why was he only admitting this now, when he was nearing his final death?

Would she wait for him? Surely they would evacuate the station, and it wouldn't take much convincing from the captain to assure her of his death. What was there for her here? He had brought her here and then gone and gotten himself killed, and now she would have to be alone forever. He only  
wanted to put his arms around her, hold her close, have the chance to kiss her and say a proper goodbye. But this would never happen. He was left dangling in this dark pit, and they were both left alone.

"Doctor!"His morose and introspective thoughts were halted as he reached the end of the cable with a jolt. His mouth still seemed to be self-sufficient, explaining what he had known all along what he would have to do. His hearts ached for Ida, for Captain Zachary, for the Ood, and for Rose.

"If the comms come back on… if you talk to Rose…" his brain took control of his mouth again. He wanted her to have something to hold on to, jealously wanted her to keep his memory close for the rest of her life. "Tell her…" What? That he loved her? To remember him? Did he really want her to have this burden for the rest of her life, this responsibility to nurture the love of a dead man? He started again, determined to at least tell her goodbye, because she was his friend. Nothing more that that. His friend. "Tell her…"

"Yes Doctor?" Ida's voice was soft- she knew exactly what he was trying to say, but he didn't. How could he do this to her? If he really loved her, he thought, the best he could do was to make this easy for her.

"Oh…she knows." If this was true, then he could go to his death happily. If not, he might as well die with his love unfulfilled. But what if she loved him and didn't know that he loved her? His hands moved quickly over the carabineers on his harness at the thought. He had to do this now, or else he would have Ida pull him back up so that he could desperately try to return to Rose. The pain in his hearts was growing sharp as he held the last knot. He barely paused as, with one tug, he came loose and began his rushing descent into the pit.

"Doctor, can you hear me? Doctor, Ida?" An expression of horror and anguish came over the Doctor's face as the air swished past, all but obscuring Rose's final, desperate words. He hated himself for the glee he felt at the panic in her voice, and reached towards her with his arms, trying to grab onto the cable because he could talk to Rose again, it would be all right as long as they could comfort each other and surely she had a plan to save him-

Then everything went even darker than before as the Doctor hit the ground with a thud and a crash, his unconscious tears mingling with the broken glass of his helmet.


End file.
